After a breakup, it can feel like the world is ending. Maybe he was your first love, and if you’re like most teens, you’ll do almost anything to win him back. The fact is that if you want your ex back into your life, it’s not always right. Sometimes, it’s just over. Here’s what you need to do get him back, and how you can make sure it’s the right move.

DON’T Try to Make Him Jealous

You want to let things cool down after a breakup and leave him missing you. If you start to date other people, he’ll miss you, but the feelings won’t be positive. More than likely, your former love will just grow to resent you.

DO Try To Get Him to Focus on the Good

If you have a conversation about the reasons that you broke up (commonly called the “postmortem”) steer the conversation to good memories. If you get him feeling nostalgic about your relationship, he might remember why he fell for you in the first place.

DON’T Beg Him to Come Back

Desperation is never a good luck after a breakup. We get it. When you’re a teen, you may think that resorting to desperate measure is the solution to your problems, so you’ll call him late at night, send a crazy amount of texts or cry and beg him to come back. The truth is that none of these strategies will make him love you again; more likely you’ll just come off as desperate and needy, which is a turn-off.

DO Focus on Your Own Happiness

Take this opportunity to do a little soul-searching. If you try to make yourself happy independently, it’s likely that your former love will see you flourishing, and if it’s right, you guys will get back together. The worst case scenario is that you’re alone, but satisfied with your life, and let’s be honest: your personal health is more important than any relationship.